Last Legs: A Tragedy Of Pants

Happy to share a new adventure in blogging for me. This is my first post as a contributor to Little Old Lady (LOL) Comedy. What do you think? Do your pants ever take you to task?

Little Old Lady Comedy

They hang there, in dim reproach. Untouched, unloved, unwanted. How long has it been? A year at least, maybe more. Marie Kondo would not approve.

How I used to love those pants. I reach out a hand, lift their empty legs and run my fingers along their length. They were everything I wanted in a partner: a shade of not-quite-black that took me where I needed to go, an easy-care fabric — some miracle of synthetics with a lovely, fluid drop. Their cut was pure magic: tummy-flattening, leg-elongating. How gently they hugged my buttocks, how lovingly they caressed my thighs, celebrating their shape without revealing too much. Always with that tiny, forgiving bit of stretch.

We were good together, those pants and me. They made me feel somehow better than myself. They gave me confidence, got me through long days at work, dinners out and weekends away. They worked as hard as…

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  1. margaret21 · September 28, 2021

    That’s just great – I’ve left a comment on the post itself – two peoples, divided by a common language.

    • MELewis · September 28, 2021

      Funny those linguistic differences, eh? (There’s another one, the famous Canadian ‘eh’!) To be perfectly honest, I had initially gained accepted for the piece from another website which is UK-based. However, they wanted me to change ‘pants’ to ‘trousers’ everywhere and I just couldn’t do it! To my North American ears it felt strange indeed and as if it had been written by someone else entirely! Glad you enjoyed, Margaret, and thanks for leaving a comment on the original post!

      • margaret21 · September 28, 2021

        I can understand that. But … pants … it’s just … wrong 😉

  2. Dale · September 28, 2021

    Oh my goodness, Mel, this was great. I feel your pain. I feared I knew how it would end, though… I’m glad the ripping in the air was only their laughter and not their seams!

    • MELewis · September 28, 2021

      Hmm….well, we’ll have to see next time I try them on! 😅 Thanks Dale! ❤️

      • Dale · September 28, 2021

        I have faith in you, Mel! xoxo

        I got the greatest compliment on Sunday. My sister was trying on dresses for a wedding she is attending and we were talking about our cruises and dressing fancy. Then mentioned past dresses and my other sister said: You must be fitting into them now… (usually, they like to point out the lesser “qualities” 😉 )

      • MELewis · September 28, 2021

        Way to go!!!! 👏

      • Dale · September 28, 2021

        I still feel like a sausage about to bust through the casing on a couple… 😉

      • MELewis · September 29, 2021

        Probably worse in your mind than reality. I don’t know which is harder: getting back into clothes from thinner days or feeling like we look good in them.

      • Dale · September 29, 2021

        Haha! And oy!

  3. Kiki · September 28, 2021

    fab! Congrats on this ‘new leg(s)’….

    • MELewis · September 29, 2021

      Cheers! Glad you got a ‘kick’ out of it!

  4. Becky Ross Michael · September 29, 2021

    Ha, ha…I like it! All too true:)

  5. Garfield Hug · September 29, 2021


    • MELewis · September 29, 2021

      Cheers, Garfield my friend!

  6. Elyse Brady · September 29, 2021

    Great story! I have a few of those dejected trousers too. Your writing is soaring now MEL. Congrats on the new blog publication! Hugs, Elyse 🥰 Sent from my iPhone


    • MELewis · September 29, 2021

      Thanks for the kind words, dear Eeeee! Warms my heart to know you are reading — and can commiserate from across the miles. xo

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